Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World by H. Stephen Glenn

Author:H. Stephen Glenn [Glenn, H. Stephen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-57573-9
Publisher: Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony
Published: 2010-12-07T16:00:00+00:00

Compare this response to “OK, for you, you little sucker, that’s it for this week. I’m going to fix your wagon forever!” In the latter, the child becomes a passive victim of an overwrought parent. In the former, the child’s perception of having control remains in effect.

We may not realize how we invite the hassling from children that irritates us so much. We do this by setting limits we don’t respect and threatening children with things that we don’t deliver. We often say things we don’t mean, such as “I can’t afford it.” What does “I can’t afford it” mean to children who have never had to do without and have found that most of the things that they want come without a struggle?

When a child says she wants a new bicycle, and her father says he can’t afford it, she wonders, “What on earth could Daddy be saying to me?” She reflects on her experience and remembers, “The last three times Daddy said that he couldn’t afford it, I hassled him until I got what I wanted. So he must mean that I haven’t hassled him enough for him to make this a priority.”

Father says, “I can’t afford it.”

And she says, “Hassle, hassle.”

He reassures her, “No, dear, I really can’t afford it this time.”

And she says, “Hassle, hassle, hassle.”

Finally, he says, “Look, the only way I can consider it is on my credit card, and it is full.”

She thinks, “Now we’re making progress. He’s considering ways to get it for me. I’m very close.” So she continues to hassle.

Father’s last weapon is to say, “If I get this for you, you’ll have to give up your allowance for three years.”

She thinks to herself, “Well, last time I gave it up for two years and still haven’t gone without a nickel for one day in my life, so that’s no big deal.”

She proceeds with hassle, hassle, hassle, and finally Father gives in.

What is her perception of how you get what you want? Wish for it, hassle for it long enough, and you can even overcome “I can’t afford it.”

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